The Disappearing Nose Act

Sunglasses, glasses, goggles, ski masks, Google Glass, safety goggles, comedically large sunglasses, basically any type of eyewear, creates the "disappearing nose act" for A Blonde Half Jap. Today was a beautiful Portland day. The type of day where you walk outside and wonder how you haven't noticed the cherry blossoms yet? Let's just say. It was bright! I noticed my bus in the distance and was completely aware of the fact that I didn't have enough time to run back inside and grab my sunglasses. As I stood at the bus stop I was wondering, "How am I the only child in my family that didn't get brown eyes?!" Brown eyes have more pigment layers than those with green, blue, or grey eyes. Therefor the multiple layers block the effects of sunlight or harsh fluorescent lights. I have green eyes, hence I spent the entire day looking like this. The hoodie blocks the harsh light of the sun!

I apparently have no idea where to look when taking a selfie. 

It may sound like it would have been an easy chore to run like the wind and get my sunglasses before the bus arrived. Yeah, I guess I could have achieved that feat and protected my delicate green moss colored eyes. But, I'm a lady. There was no way I was going to show up to school with a sheen of sweat on my face. Even though I sweated bullets in the kitchen all year long. I get to take an english class! My one chance to curl my hair and put on makeup!

My sunglasses. They are my baby. Searching for sunglasses is on par with searching for jeans. Yet not as hard, but still really hard! I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with A Blonde Half Jap's nose anatomy. It's a tiny button nose. It slightly curves up. It has absolutely no bridge. I also have slightly higher cheekbones then my caucasian friends. When I was a child. One of my best friend's little brother used to make fun of my nose all the time. He also simultaneously made fun of my "five finger forehead" but I'll address that wonderful Half Jap physical feature in another post. He was maybe three. I was in elementary school. Whenever I came over to my friends house and her little brother would see me. He would push back his bangs with one hand. Then push up his nose like a piggy with the other, and exclaim, "I look like Talena!" Still haunts me to this day. I never knew such a small person could leave such a lasting scar.

If you reference the picture above. My friend's little brother was quasi accurate. Not fully accurate! I don't have a full blown pig nose! However, I have absolutely no bridge and my nose is quite tiny. I find myself always adjusting and pulling up my glasses because they slip down my nose, constantly.

When buying glasses if you suffer from a small nose and absent bridge, remember these two words. NOSE PADS! Nose pads, nose pads, nose pads! They are some scientists gift to the Half Jap world. They lift the frames off your high cheekbones, and they keep the glasses from slipping down your nose! Let me demonstrate. Below is a picture of me on my honeymoon. I didn't want to bring my pride and joy sunglasses to Italy for fear of losing them. So, I purchased these sunglasses trying to adapt to the current trend. Remember these? Big insect eye sunglasses. Oh the horror!

I apologize for the disheveled hair. We were just swimming. I don't apologize for those martinis! 

Note how the sunglasses cover my cheekbones and eyebrows. My nose, however quite small looks like a big toe sticking out of sandals. These glasses were a horrible choice. They actually made a green house effect around my eyes. My eyebrows and cheekbones made a suction cup development which locked in all the moisture. I complained about them enough that my husband Deacon suggested we just switch sunglasses until I found a non-suction-cup-green-house-effect pair. Below is a comparison of Deacon's selfless switch. 

This switch wasn't entirely ideal for the both of us. I upgraded, slightly. Deacon downgraded, slightly. Although neither one of us looked into the mirror that morning and thought, "Yes, this works." Well, Deacon might have, but that's just his demeanor. It is also one of the many reasons why I love him. Deacon's face is overcome by my insect sunglasses. They are engulfing his face. However, his eyes can breathe! Deacon's glasses on me aren't the most flattering. You can see my cheekbones and you can see my eyebrows which warrant a little improvement. Also, my eyes are not in a enveloped in swampy humidity. A day later I found my cheap alternative. Then Deacon was happily given his sunglasses back.

This is the only picture I could find with my "new" sunglasses. That guy in the background is our friend. Not a random photo bomber.

Aviators. They are not for everyone. Although in a time crunch. They are an easy "go-to" pick for A Blonde Half Jap. They were not the most flattering pick. It was much better than standing in a stuffy knick knack shop speaking broken Italian while my husband's patience was fleeting each time I tried on a new pair of sunglasses. He wanted to explore the beautiful coastline of the Cinque Terre while I was focused on my vanity. The only reason I honed in on these cheap pink aviators was, the golden rule, NOSE PADS!

My pride and joy sunglasses I got in 2007. I've had them for seven years. I'm honestly amazed at how long I have kept them. I have a propensity to lose things. Also to break things. Generally I'm just a clumsy unaware human being most days. The purchase of these pride and joy sunglasses took place in Waikiki, Hawaii. When I was in college every spring break my Mom of and went to Waikiki. We wouldn't even rent a car to travel the island. We were completely content to lounge at the pool/beach and read our books. Go to the spa, and of course shop! We were walking down the strip and popped into the various designer shops. There was your usual. Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Armani, you get the picture. We popped into the Louis Vuitton shop and my mother looked down at her purse and at the wallets with the realization that she needed them to match. We then walked into Dior and both tried on various sunglasses laughing as we tried on various shapes and sizes. My mother suffers from the "disappearing nose act" worse than I do. I then found the perfect sunglasses. They were rose colored lenses which was an ironic choice for a nineteen year old. They had NOSE PADS. They had thick temples. They were girly and perfect. My mother gets out her phone and calls my father. Told him his daughter really really wants some Dior glasses.....and she wants a Louis Vuitton wallet. With a click of a button and a swipe of a card. I received my most cherished accessory of all time. 

This picture is an old one. I just realized the lack of pictures I have wearing my favorite sunglasses. I've always had a constant fear of losing them. Now, I just have to tell myself. "Talena, you are a 27 year old woman. You barely lose things anymore. You sometimes, but are getting better about dropping things. You can wear your favorite glasses now. It's ok." 

GOLDEN RULE: NOSE PADS!